I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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