He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
