I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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