So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
