i need an iv and a liver transplant
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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