he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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