i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
