I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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