Well apparently he's into motor boating.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
