it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
