i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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