I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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