You surviving the open bar?
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I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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