No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
