I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
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you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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