I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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