Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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