So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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