guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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