I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
