this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
