nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
