Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
