You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
