i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
