Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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