Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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