Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
