i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
