i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
