Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
