you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
