we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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