when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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