Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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