i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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