I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My life is pants optional.
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