Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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