i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
