So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
