mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
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This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
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He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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