I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
