Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
