I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
