we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
