I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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