I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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