would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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