I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
