we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
