I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
