Can i not drive my cunt home
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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