batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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