I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
