Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
