Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh god it's open bar.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
