tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
try to milk me bitch
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