i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
