Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
