There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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